Capitulo 70
Chapter 70: Lugan Village (1)
After eating the food Ariel had prepared, Lermian fell asleep once again, while we gathered around the campfire to discuss the current situation.
«Oh….So you’re saying that…. Deron tried to kill the Duchess and fled after failing…»
«What a dreadful thing to say, how could anyone commit such a despicable act?».
Based on what we had learned from Lermian, the general situation was relayed, and also,
«It looks like Deron might be hunting her as well.»
The probable future was also shared.
«What…is he trying to kill her?»
«I guess so.»
I nodded at Ariel’s question.
As we talked, Rachel looked at the sleeping Lermian and opened her mouth.
«If we don’t help her, she’ll starve to death or be killed.»
«It would seem so.»
If the Grand Ducal family isn’t taking any action, then Lermian’s death is practically an unofficial decree.
Deron must be hunting her fervently.
Of course, whether the Grand Ducal Family is hunting Deron, or whether they have already captured him, remains unknown.
It would be nice if that were the case, but even so, leaving Lermian to die in this forsaken land showed a distinct lack of human decency.
«B-But… Why have we never heard of this? If the Duchess’s situation is so dire, the entire North should be in an uproar.»
«… Probably because the Grand Duke is keeping things a secret.»
«Why would His Highness do that…?»
There was no answer to Rendler’s question.
Only the Grand Ducal Family could know the answer to such a question.
This silence must have been a direct decision of Logan Winterfell, the Grand Duke himself.
The only thing certain was that if we did not help her now, Lermian would die a lonely death in this forsaken land.
However, with the imminent danger posed by Deron Caelid, helping her could endanger my group.
I looked at Lermian’s sleeping figure.
Her arms and legs were covered in bruises and wounds.
It was hard to even look at her.
She, a victim of violence and abuse, had her hopes dashed and was about to meet a lonely death in this forsaken land.
Even my past life, marked by hardship, seemed insignificant compared to Lermian’s plight.
It seemed as if the world was conspiring to bring her down by force.
And that made me feel a little guilty, as my actions contributed to her tragic fate.
«Well, what do you think we should do?»
After asking this, I looked towards my group, as Rachel was the first to respond.
«If there are pursuers, we should avoid staying in one place for too long.»
Then, Rendler also intervened.
«A hunter mentioned a large village called Lugan, not far from here. It would be best to buy a carriage there and take the Duchess with us. The carriage would at least help us avoid prying eyes.»
Finally, Ariel nodded her head as she spoke.
«Um! If it’s a big town we could find some good medicine there. We might even be able to brew a healing potion with them.»
Her answers seemed to ignore any sort of danger related to helping Lermian.
That was the question, wasn’t it?
To help her or not.
Since my companions had already ruled out the latter option, and were even coming up with solutions on «how» to help, I smiled in relief.
It seems my worries were unwarranted.
«Good. If everyone agrees to this, let’s move immediately.»
Whether or not to take Lermian to Logan Winterfell was a problem for later.
We still had to hear his opinion after all.
But for now, the priority was to move her to safety and prepare for potential danger.
We could always hear her thoughts once we were there.
Discussion concluded, we packed up camp and headed straight for the village called Lugan.
Each of us carrying our own loads.
**
《Die.》
I’m going to die…
《Hurry up and die. Your death will help everyone.》
I know…
I know…
Just… don’t rush me….
You’re just a burden. Why do you refuse to die? Do you wish to lose someone dear to you again?
……I don’t want to lose anyone.
No one else.
No one.
《Yes. That’s why you should die now. The longer you live, the more pain you will bring to your loved ones. Do you really want to live bringing tragedy into their lives?》
No…
I don’t want to.
That’s why I ran away.
That’s why,
please…
Stop tormenting me ……
《What are you waiting for? There’s no need to drag this out. Just jump off a cliff or slit your wrists with a piece of glass.》
…… I’m in no hurry.
I’m alone after all.
There’s no one left.
《So now that you’ve consumed the lives of others you want to live? That’s really pathetic, even for you.》
I’m dying…
It’s already a long way off….
So..,
please…
Let me rest in peace. ……
《You really have no shame, do you? Because of your cursed existence, Ronica died. And as if that wasn’t enough, you also took Marien’s life! And yet, you… You still want to live?》
It’s not like I chose to be cursed.
It’s not my fault.
I was only four years old.
Just a four year old girl who didn’t even know who she was.
A girl who didn’t even know what a curse was, who didn’t even know what the Ghoul tribe was!
《So what? That doesn’t change the fact that you’re a cursed existence. It’s your fault that Ronica and Marien died.》
……Ha.
Yes.
That’s right.
I killed them.
And now I’m dying too.
So what more do you want?
You want to rest in peace, don’t you? There’s a simpler way to do it.》
……Fine.
I’ll die.
If that’s what you want.
《That’s right. Take that shard of glass and slit your wrists. End it all now. No more suffering. No more pain. No more misery. That’s all you’ve ever wanted, isn’t it?》
…
……
………
《Why are you hesitating? You’re funny, you know, do you really want to live? Even after all you’ve done?》
Sob…
《All this time you kept preaching that you wanted to die, didn’t you? Well, death is within your grasp now, just do it.》
Hic….Sob…
I’m scared…
Death is so scary….
And wanting to die because you’re happy and…. sob… dying because it’s hard to live are different….
No one is happy to die…
Sob…
I… just wanted to live… like everyone else….
《Oh? That’s a nice dream you have…But don’t you know…You can never be happy. You’re not meant to live. That’s your destiny.》
Sob…
I..,
want to live…
I…
I wanted to live…
I don’t even expect to be happy.
I just…
I just wanted to live without this pain…
Just like Marien wanted…
To live without suffering.
So..,
please…
Stop telling me to die…
Because I’m not going to die just because you want me to…
I’m already dying anyway…
Alone,
Disappearing ……
*
My eyes opened.
Since that day, I’ve been tormented by this endless tug-of-war with that voice conjured by my broken mind.
For some reason, I felt like I was floating.
My vision was still blurry.
The lush forest was rocking like waves.
Rising and falling.
It was like I was flying in the sky.
I was warm.
As if something was holding me.
Something incredibly warm, and as I leaned against it, I started to hear things.
«Is that it?»
«Ah, I can see the town now. Thank goodness our pace was quick! I’d rather avoid walking at night, hahaha-«.
«…Rendler? It’s nice to see you happy though…. Next time… I hope you avoid taking the lead.»
«Haha, haha…Sorry, My Lord…I thought that way would be a shortcut…?»
What was going on?
Why do I feel like I’m floating, and why am I so hot?
It doesn’t feel like I’m next to a fire.
It doesn’t feel like the heat of the sun either.
What is this heat?
And why does it transport me?
Who is the owner of those sturdy arms that hold me?
«My lord? I can carry it for you, if you are too tired.»
«…Now? When we are almost inside the village? Master… Are you trying to set your spoon when I’ve already set the whole table?»
«…That’s unfortunate.»
«Really?! Lady Rachel! If it’s unfortunate… Then take me…! M-My legs are killing me!»
«I only help my students. Maybe if you wish to be my student too…»
«Ahahaha-. My legs got better all of a sudden!»
Their voices were so cheerful.
It was as if my dirty ears, which for days had heard only crying sounds, were being cleansed.
The warmth of the arms holding me felt like a welcoming embrace, melting away all the terrible days spent suffering under the biting cold.
«……»
Sniff-.
Tears came to my eyes.
Everything I saw was beautiful.
Everything I heard sounded joyful.
Everything I felt was warm.
My tears kept building up.
Even when I refused her help, her insistence seemed so…wonderful…. So much so that it almost made me sick to my stomach.
Because of that, tears welled up in my eyes.
With no other choice, I, Lermian Winterfell, buried my face in that wide wall of warmth and wept silently.
«……»
And then,
Standing at the back of the group, Elden Raphelion quietly slowed his pace, letting Lermian cry comfortably as he distanced himself from the others.
Allowing her to cry freely.
Letting her pour out the sadness she felt in her heart.
So, after adjusting his grip on Lermian, Elden walked slowly towards the entrance of the village.
Scrunch-.
Scrunch-.